Right, one month since the last post. Ya ya, I'm not exactly prolific in my writing, nor am I a teenage version of Chetan Bhagat, but I do like to imitate his witty, sarcastic, I-give-a-fuck tone.( and fail miserably, but what the heck.)
Okay, in the 40-odd days since October 21, I have:
1)Read three new novels, -When I should've been studying .
2)Watched 2 films.
3)Fallen ill twice, and so blown my A in Applied Math. Missed a class test that had 7.5% weightage because of very high fever.
4)Flunked miserably in a drawing test. 10% marks :P
5)Topped a physics quiz, and a chem quiz. (only silver lining in the academic scene)
6) Nearly gotten run over by a speeding local train.
7)Had an altercation with this gent on the local train, with a lot of Bollywood -style glaring.
8)Got my mother to open a farcebook account, so she stops using mine for locating her long- lost school friends.
Seriously, I didn't want to be like this psychopath with this scary profile pic (and even more abhorrent profile) who stalks 40-something US-based housewives.
9)Scraped 65% in drawing test II -Relief! Now I have a fair chance of passing this troublesome course and bidding good bye to orthographic projections and sticking prisms into cones. Haan, GPA ki waat lag jayegi, even though I should get decent grades in the other subjects.
10)Almost got beaten up by an angry mob for jumping the queue for a BEST bus.
I'm not the villain! I mean, I am but atleast appreciate the circumstances which led me to commit the crime!
People don't understand the travails of an 18-year-old stu-"dying" guy who's already late for his Physics viva, which is to be held at the office of his physics lecturer 2 hours away, and has a full bladder to boot.
Anyway, I reached my college only to find that my exam was scheduled at 6 in the evening, four hours later, making all my urgency useless. Including curbing my primal instincts and not urinating in my underwear.
I thought I did decently in the exam, though. The lecturer, who by the way has this razor- sharp memory, seemed satisfied.
11)Discussed Resonance Theory with my physics lecturer, yes, the same person. According to him, Resonance structures represent real quantum mechanical states. I disagreed, and we spent about twenty minutes arguing.
Yes you got me there, I am showing off. Oh, the things one has to say to seem intelligent!
12) Came very close to being caught by Mr.Geeky Bespectacled Finance Guy for checking out his attractive female colleague ( or hot girlfriend?) while returning home in the local train one evening. I saved myself by pretending to send an SMS on my phone just as he turned to look at me. And they were.... ahem....discussing something on the lines of forming a welfare organization for the Tamil community in Mumbai.
' Some romantic conversation, eh?
The next time I logged into farcebook, I joined this group called "Pretending to text in awkward situations". Really, it's as if these social networking sites have a community for every uncomfortable moment in the lives of emotionally dysfunctional "dumbing" teenagers.
13) Again failed to finally toilet-train our cocker spaniel pup. The living- room floor outside my room has now become his personal toilet.
14)Finally, few minutes ago I violated a sacrosanct pact by shamelessly lifting the copyrighted, trademarked, words of a good friend, let's call him Mr. Future Petroleum Engineer.
See those smart-ass lines in the About Me section? They're not mine. They're his, invented by him.
I sincerely hope the prospect of earning 20 lakh bucks per annum after graduation mollifies him enough to forgive me ;).
15) Wasted the last hours of Day 1 of my endsem prepatory leave writing this useless post.
Shubhratri.
December 3, 2009
October 21, 2009
Random Pics
View from our home terrace.
Very considerate message. Commendable effort to make people more environment conscious.
Outside the Guru Nanak garden, Nerul.
Giant modak. One of these mammoths means enough prasad for atleast 25 people :P
Ganesh Chaturthi.
The view from my home during the monsoon
This turned out to be a bit hazy. Again, the limitations of a cellphone camera.
This is a picture of our cocker spaniel, taken two days after he was brought home.
After his pose, he gets down to business.. Attacking the laptop bag I'd carelessly left lying on the floor....,
Nibbling my finger...
And, pulling things off the bed.
This was also taken from our moving car. I somehow couldn't resist capturing this empty stretch of road. It so closely resembles the sketches of the metaphorical lonely roads. This,by the way, is the Mumbai-Pune National Highway. The image isn't too high-res because I've used my cellphone camera. 
I'd taken this picture during the monsoon. Got a good vantage point from the front seat of our (moving) car. Came out pretty decently given I've used my cellphone.October 11, 2009
IIT or death?
India is a land of insane competitiveness. Whether it is the animal -like jostling to get into our trains, or cutting the serpentine queues at our ration-shops(and more recently, at malls and multiplexes.). Be it the snarling traffic jams caused by our cars trying to edge each other out of our roads, or the scramble of people to check out the new shopping complex in town. It's truly the"Survival of the Fittest." Possibly no other place in the world illustrates Darwin's theory better.
(I'm not fully aware of what it postulates, so please excuse me :-P.)
One would think it's only natural. With 1 billion people crammed into a chunk of land barely the size of Texas, such things are inevitable, aren't they? Well I guess so.
One example where only the fittest survive are "Entrance Exams". I think they're unique to India, and they come in different varieties. Want to join the Army? Appear for the NDA. Want to enter the "hallowed" IITs? Qualify in IIT-JEE. Want to become a civil servant? Take and clear this maddeningly tough UPSC exam . Want to enter the IIMs? "Bell" the ''CAT''. Annoying abbreviations, aren't they?
(Ya, Indians love abbreviating things. It produces an amazing effect ;) For the unitiated, IIT JEE-Indian Institute of Technology- Joint Entrance Examination; NDA- National Defence Academy;UPSC-Union Public Services Commission; IIM-Indian Institute of Management and CAT-Common Admission Test)
Probably the most intensely competitive is the Railways SCRA( Special Class Railway Apprentice), in which nearly 100,000 candidates compete for a measly 10-40 vacancies every year.
The logic is simple, people say. We have limited resources, so the most effective way to use them is to create as much competition for them as possible.This way, only the very best can get access to them.
But what about the others?
The title of the post is the username of a user of a popular IIT JEE discussion forum I used to frequent when I was in school. He wants to be amongst the top 100 ranks in IITJEE or else.....
Kill himself.
Faak.
This is a 17-year-0ld.
So who's to blame?
October 10, 2009
Another Noob in Vishwavidyalaya
It had been two months since Noobad joined Vishwavidyalaya. Vishwavidyalaya is very renowned, and is one of the best of its kind in the world. Like all old Indian institutes, the Vishwavidyalaya campus is quaint and picturesque. Some of its buildings are examples of very fine architecture. Vishwavidyalaya is said to have a tradition of excellence, and a sizeable number of its alumni are immensely successful. Noobad's father's boss, who's one of the richest men in the world , studied at Vishwavidyalaya. Noobad found it hard to imagine his father's suave boss as a scrawny 18-year-old like himself, lugging his bag everyday for another hectic day in Vishwavidyalaya's ancient kakshas and prayogshalas. Noobad had always found it hard to imagine adults in their adolescent avatars.
Noobad's first two months at Vishwavidyalaya were rather dull. He left home at seven in the morning, sat through four hours of pravachans, then after an hour's break, slaved away with his fellow noobs in the prayogshalas. Twice a week the noobs had Aabhiyantik Chitrakala, which Noobad hated. He was and is very bad at it, though he's made some improvement. All in all, Noobad was a bit disappointed.
He had joined Vishwavidyalaya since it was purported to be a cutting-edge center of excellence in its field, and he was a student of what was supposed to be one of the best courses of its kind in the world. He expected to learn new, interesting stuff everyday but the noobs at Vishwavidyalaya learnt only old highschool subjects like Rasayanshastra, Ganit and Bhautikshastra. "This is just like highschool", Noobad thought.
He was starting to feel disillusioned when an ex-noob (who had studied in Noobad's middle-school) told him that he was suffering from the "rebel noob syndrome", and socially challenged noobs like Noobad were more prone to it, since their whole life revolved around mundane stuff like academics. He suggested that Noobad take more interest and also said it was a passing phase. "Things will be a lot lot better when you become an eswhy" , he said.
Noobad found his immediate ex-noobs, the eswhys, a very strange species. Some of them were very friendly and helpful, others downright mean and insulting. But all in all, Noobad enjoyed the first formal interaction of the noobs and eswhys, in which he was made to sing a Bollywood number, (and also other things I'd rather not mention here, lest Noobad finds out and kills me.)
He was now friends with quite a few eswhys, who were ever ready to provide any kind of assistance.
Two months into the first semester, the eswhys painstakingly organized a brilliant "Noob-Event", in which noobs could showcase their literary, artistic and sports skills. But Noobad isn't your normal noob. He is clearly a "Bad Noob" as his name suggests.
To know what is it that makes Noobad a bad noob,(or is it Noobad?) and to hear most about this abnormal noob's "escapades" in Vishwavidyalaya, wait for the next time I feel like writing.
If you want, that is.
Noobad's first two months at Vishwavidyalaya were rather dull. He left home at seven in the morning, sat through four hours of pravachans, then after an hour's break, slaved away with his fellow noobs in the prayogshalas. Twice a week the noobs had Aabhiyantik Chitrakala, which Noobad hated. He was and is very bad at it, though he's made some improvement. All in all, Noobad was a bit disappointed.
He had joined Vishwavidyalaya since it was purported to be a cutting-edge center of excellence in its field, and he was a student of what was supposed to be one of the best courses of its kind in the world. He expected to learn new, interesting stuff everyday but the noobs at Vishwavidyalaya learnt only old highschool subjects like Rasayanshastra, Ganit and Bhautikshastra. "This is just like highschool", Noobad thought.
He was starting to feel disillusioned when an ex-noob (who had studied in Noobad's middle-school) told him that he was suffering from the "rebel noob syndrome", and socially challenged noobs like Noobad were more prone to it, since their whole life revolved around mundane stuff like academics. He suggested that Noobad take more interest and also said it was a passing phase. "Things will be a lot lot better when you become an eswhy" , he said.
Noobad found his immediate ex-noobs, the eswhys, a very strange species. Some of them were very friendly and helpful, others downright mean and insulting. But all in all, Noobad enjoyed the first formal interaction of the noobs and eswhys, in which he was made to sing a Bollywood number, (and also other things I'd rather not mention here, lest Noobad finds out and kills me.)
He was now friends with quite a few eswhys, who were ever ready to provide any kind of assistance.
Two months into the first semester, the eswhys painstakingly organized a brilliant "Noob-Event", in which noobs could showcase their literary, artistic and sports skills. But Noobad isn't your normal noob. He is clearly a "Bad Noob" as his name suggests.
To know what is it that makes Noobad a bad noob,(or is it Noobad?) and to hear most about this abnormal noob's "escapades" in Vishwavidyalaya, wait for the next time I feel like writing.
If you want, that is.
What's Your Rashee?
Watched the movie last night. Universally panned . But I didn't understand what the fuss was all about. It wasn't such a bad watch.
Sure, it's long and inane at times. And the storyline is a bit too far-fetched, but some moments were excellent and Priyanka Chopra has acted pretty well.
The Sagittarian lady who tries to seduce the male lead was hilarious! It's one of the best pieces of acting I've seen in recent times. The portrayal of the control-freak Libran was cool too.
Hurrman Baweja as acted nicely. However, he doesn't have much of a role, to be honest. His American accent is evidently put-on. It wasn't needed. Dilip Joshi was wasted in his bumbling elder-brother role. Darshan Jariwala was pretty good in his marriage-bureauwallah character.
All in all, the movie was a decent effort .Far fetched, and (very) boring at times. But anyday better than cheesy trash like "Dil Bole Hadippa" . Good acting performances overall, especially Priyanka Chopra.
I know people are going to laugh at me, but what the hell. If the movie is that stupid, what of slapstick tripe like Golmaal, cheesy,romantic movies like DDLJ and inane action flicks like Dhoom 2 the same audiences and critics devour with open mouths?
Sure, it's long and inane at times. And the storyline is a bit too far-fetched, but some moments were excellent and Priyanka Chopra has acted pretty well.
The Sagittarian lady who tries to seduce the male lead was hilarious! It's one of the best pieces of acting I've seen in recent times. The portrayal of the control-freak Libran was cool too.
Hurrman Baweja as acted nicely. However, he doesn't have much of a role, to be honest. His American accent is evidently put-on. It wasn't needed. Dilip Joshi was wasted in his bumbling elder-brother role. Darshan Jariwala was pretty good in his marriage-bureauwallah character.
All in all, the movie was a decent effort .Far fetched, and (very) boring at times. But anyday better than cheesy trash like "Dil Bole Hadippa" . Good acting performances overall, especially Priyanka Chopra.
I know people are going to laugh at me, but what the hell. If the movie is that stupid, what of slapstick tripe like Golmaal, cheesy,romantic movies like DDLJ and inane action flicks like Dhoom 2 the same audiences and critics devour with open mouths?
October 9, 2009
Akshayn History #12
I found an old notebook of mine while we were cleaning the house the other day. In it were a few (mostly incomplete) stories I'd written when I was 10. This is one of them. I am copying the story verbatim, retaining all spelling/grammatical errors.
The Case of the Jawahar Dairy Explosion
March 18, 2050 : In the Jawahar Taluka of the Thane district in Maharashtra, An explosion took place in a dairy near the Taluka HQ. Over three thousand people were injured and 5 killed. Property worth Rs. five crore was destroyed. Family members of the victims criticized the government of Maharashtra for the unfortunate Incident. The chief minister Monish Sharma was under tremendous pressure. To remove the high pressure off his government, He cast his burden on the central govt. . The centre made required arrangements for Mr. Sharma's arrival in New Delhi.
Mr. Sharma arrived and asked the Prime minister if he could hold talks on the topic. The PM agreed and talks Commenced right from the next day. These series of talks continued for the next three days. In the end, it was decied that the CAJ (The code word for The Jawahar dairy Explosion) file will be opened after a gap of 2 years. And it will be investigated by the CBI.
So after a gap of 2 years, the CAJ file was opened and a Top CBI official Nirupa Shallom was the head of the Investigation team.
They had a computer that could tell a person's whereabouts of the photograph of the particular person was inserted. It could even find the witnesses of the tragic incidents if a Xerox copy of the file of the incident was inserted, Unfortunately, the CAJ file was not inserted. And the other thing was that it could only get inserted on the same day of the tragedy. So, the CBI held meeting and Ms.Shallom appointed Keith Shirov,Deepak Das and Madhusudhan Singh as the head of the witness search.
Ms. Shallom ordered Sudhakar Bhonsle, her assistant "go to the Scene of the crime and collect all the Bomb particles you find. Make a report and send it afterwards."
Meanwhile the trio started their hunt from Mumbai. They printed adds in newspapers and found three witnesses. They were Arif Khan, Raziya Bano and Ajay Rao. Keith asked them first, "Are you real witnesses?", he asked.
"yes", they all said in an unison.
One by one each one was asked by the trio and each had the same answer.
Meanwhile Sudhakar discovered the particles of the bomb and a cigarette butt.
Sudhakar asked Dr. Lalit, " Do you think this was used to light the bomb which exploded at the entrance?, he asked him showing a lighted matchstick he picked up from the ground.
Lalit took over the task and returned with Sudhakar and the clues to the HQ.
The witness hunters also returned with photographs of the witnesses.
Ms. Shallom took the bomb parts which Lalit had examined and found out that it was the biggest clue.
It was later found out that the bomb was illegally manufactured in Khartoum, Sudan and supplied to the culprits of Jawahar. Then suddenly Ms. Shallom went inside her room and locked the door. A few hours later, a gunshot was heard from her room. Sudhakar and Dr. Lalit entered the room afrter breaking open the door. and found her body lying a pool of blood.
A CBI officer later confirmed that it was a Suicide case.
There is nothing written beyond this point, which means either I'd lost interest in writing, or I'd run out of ideas. (You've probably realized that this pseudo-thriller, pseudo-James Bond, pseudo-Detective story isn't a "story" but a collection of random incidents the <<<<< 1.3kg slob in my head had cooked up, and my hilarious attempts to connect them.)
For the unenlightened.
1)Jawhar Taluka, Dist. Thane, Maharashtra, India.
2)CBI
Now this post prompted one of those arguments with myself:
Me:
Now if I find the story so silly, ridiculous and downright unbelievable,
Why do I value it so much?
Why do I find it "touchingly flawed" and not "crappy"?
Why did I take the trouble of putting it up on the internet, where people sneer at everything?
Myself:
I have a feeling you're unconsciously attaching some sappy,cheesy, mushy value to all this. Some crap like "nostalgia" or "Puraani Yaadein". Seriously, you're turning mushier by the day. Carry on like this and you'll become another Ranbir Kapoor
Me :
*gulp*
Myself:
Damn right you are, Mr. fast-becoming-metrosexual.
Me: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo
The Case of the Jawahar Dairy Explosion
March 18, 2050 : In the Jawahar Taluka of the Thane district in Maharashtra, An explosion took place in a dairy near the Taluka HQ. Over three thousand people were injured and 5 killed. Property worth Rs. five crore was destroyed. Family members of the victims criticized the government of Maharashtra for the unfortunate Incident. The chief minister Monish Sharma was under tremendous pressure. To remove the high pressure off his government, He cast his burden on the central govt. . The centre made required arrangements for Mr. Sharma's arrival in New Delhi.
Mr. Sharma arrived and asked the Prime minister if he could hold talks on the topic. The PM agreed and talks Commenced right from the next day. These series of talks continued for the next three days. In the end, it was decied that the CAJ (The code word for The Jawahar dairy Explosion) file will be opened after a gap of 2 years. And it will be investigated by the CBI.
So after a gap of 2 years, the CAJ file was opened and a Top CBI official Nirupa Shallom was the head of the Investigation team.
They had a computer that could tell a person's whereabouts of the photograph of the particular person was inserted. It could even find the witnesses of the tragic incidents if a Xerox copy of the file of the incident was inserted, Unfortunately, the CAJ file was not inserted. And the other thing was that it could only get inserted on the same day of the tragedy. So, the CBI held meeting and Ms.Shallom appointed Keith Shirov,Deepak Das and Madhusudhan Singh as the head of the witness search.
Ms. Shallom ordered Sudhakar Bhonsle, her assistant "go to the Scene of the crime and collect all the Bomb particles you find. Make a report and send it afterwards."
Meanwhile the trio started their hunt from Mumbai. They printed adds in newspapers and found three witnesses. They were Arif Khan, Raziya Bano and Ajay Rao. Keith asked them first, "Are you real witnesses?", he asked.
"yes", they all said in an unison.
One by one each one was asked by the trio and each had the same answer.
Meanwhile Sudhakar discovered the particles of the bomb and a cigarette butt.
Sudhakar asked Dr. Lalit, " Do you think this was used to light the bomb which exploded at the entrance?, he asked him showing a lighted matchstick he picked up from the ground.
Lalit took over the task and returned with Sudhakar and the clues to the HQ.
The witness hunters also returned with photographs of the witnesses.
Ms. Shallom took the bomb parts which Lalit had examined and found out that it was the biggest clue.
It was later found out that the bomb was illegally manufactured in Khartoum, Sudan and supplied to the culprits of Jawahar. Then suddenly Ms. Shallom went inside her room and locked the door. A few hours later, a gunshot was heard from her room. Sudhakar and Dr. Lalit entered the room afrter breaking open the door. and found her body lying a pool of blood.
A CBI officer later confirmed that it was a Suicide case.
There is nothing written beyond this point, which means either I'd lost interest in writing, or I'd run out of ideas. (You've probably realized that this pseudo-thriller, pseudo-James Bond, pseudo-Detective story isn't a "story" but a collection of random incidents the <<<<< 1.3kg slob in my head had cooked up, and my hilarious attempts to connect them.)
For the unenlightened.
1)Jawhar Taluka, Dist. Thane, Maharashtra, India.
2)CBI
Now this post prompted one of those arguments with myself:
Me:
Now if I find the story so silly, ridiculous and downright unbelievable,
Why do I value it so much?
Why do I find it "touchingly flawed" and not "crappy"?
Why did I take the trouble of putting it up on the internet, where people sneer at everything?
Myself:
I have a feeling you're unconsciously attaching some sappy,cheesy, mushy value to all this. Some crap like "nostalgia" or "Puraani Yaadein". Seriously, you're turning mushier by the day. Carry on like this and you'll become another Ranbir Kapoor
Me :
*gulp*
Myself:
Damn right you are, Mr. fast-becoming-metrosexual.
Me: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo
September 20, 2009
Silence is Golden
My kaam-waali bai (housemaid) has undertaken a nine-day maunvrat(vow of silence) for Navratri. She refuses to speak out loud, communicating with everyone using hand-signals, some pointing and grunting, and the written word. Remarkable, isn't it? If I had to remain silent for nine days, I'd go mad!
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